God Burns Widow's House, But Saves His Own Stuff

The headline says it all: Firefighters say Bible pulled from burned house is 'a miracle'.

"A family is counting their blessings tonight after an early morning fire in Dearing, GA destroyed most of their home. But one pretty special item was left unscathed ... Bernice Hunt's Bible was pulled from the ashes without a charred edge or a burnt page. The only damage at all was a little moisture from the fire hoses."

So let me see if I get this. God decided to burn this woman's house to the ground. He let all of her possessions go up in smoke. She already lost her husband, has cancer, and had open-heart surgery ... presumably God was responsible for all of that too.

So what 'miracle' does God perform for this poor, sick widow? He saves his own Holy Bible from the flames!

I mean, after all, it is His own word, isn't it? I guess if I were God and was going to burn down a sick widow's house, I'd want to get my stuff out first.

The real mystery is how thoroughly this attitude about God pervades Judeo-Christian-Islamic thinking. It's automatic: some massive catastrophe comes along and causes death, destruction and grief, but somewhere there's a tiny random fluctuation in events that spares a baby or a bible, and that is the miracle.

God, as usual, gets all the credit and none of the blame.

Truth has a Liberal Bias!

Those damned college professors! They're always teaching the facts! And everyone knows that Truth has a liberal bias. Well, these students aren't taking it lying down:

Conservative College Students Launch Website to Battle Liberal Academia

What courage! Real conservatives, standing up to those liberal professors ... but wait ...

Alas, it turns out these students aren't really concerned about conservative politics. They're Christians, and they're angry that the professors don't respect their beliefs, which probably include creationism, suppression of homosexuality, and the subjugation of women. According to Editor-in-Chief Zachary Freeman:

"I think perhaps we (as a nation) have lost our faith and our understanding. The College Conservative works to indirectly promote the biblical truths."

In other words, they want the school to "respect" them by not teaching real biology, botany, physical anthropology, evolution, geology, physics, psychology, and probably even world history. They want watered-down cultural anthropology and sociology, and they probably don't want philosophy at all, unless it's from C.S. Lewis' books.

I have some news for you, Mr. Freeman: the Bible is not a good source of truth!

Why Christianity is in Trouble: Halloween!

Christianity is in trouble, with church attendance falling and faith weakening across the nation. What are they going to do to save the faith? Well, some of the more clever conservative Christians figured out a solution: Piss off kids on Halloween! Drop Bibles and religious tracts into their candy bags! Tell them they're sinners! Halloween is devil worship!

Yeah, that's sure to pull those kids into church next Sunday.

Seriously, they're doing this. USA Today is reporting that the American Tract Society (ATS) published Peek-A-Boo, Jesus Loves You! (Yes, ATS really exists ... I always wondered where all those tracts came from.)

But up in Calgary, they're going one better. Those cheapskate ATS tracts are nothing compared to the Holy Bible that Calgary kids are going to get! And by the way, it's not Halloween, it's "Jesus-ween."

Seriously, people. Why not just take your religion out behind the barn and just bury it? It would be just as effective, and you wouldn't be annoying a bunch of innocent kids who just want to have some fun.